Being abroad is easy. Traveling? Piece of cake. Seeing the world? Beautifully eye-opening. Being abroad and experiencing a new culture is everything everyone said it would be. It's exciting, and I'm learning so many new things about a country and a continent that I knew so little about beforehand. I have been preparing for this semester for two and a half years! I did my research, took my pre-departure class, and bought my plane ticket. I thought I was prepared and ready for anything.
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| Gate to the Old Medina in Fez |
Nothing can ever prepare you for living abroad. I was not ready for this. I'm experiencing shock in more than one way, but my biggest shock of all? Being 4,353 miles away from my support group, my family, my home.
Let me preclude the rest of my post with a tidbit of information that might put this into a bit of perspective: My significant other and I broke up about two weeks before I left the states.
Now for most of you, you're probably like so what? YOU'RE IN MOROCCO! Have fun and live it up! Well, for starters, I'm trying. Really hard actually. Most days, I'm fine, and I'm enjoying myself immensely.
For others of you, you know that this breakup was incredibly hard for me because it was pretty unforeseen. How can it be unforeseen you say? I was getting ready to embark on a four/five month journey to Morocco. Well...it just was. I wasn't expecting it, so it hit me pretty hard. To be honest, even if I had been expecting it, it would have been just as hard, just as difficult, just at heart wrenching.
Now, back to my shock. Breakups are hard. Always have been; always will be for both parties. I've been through a breakup or two before this one. I'm going to let you in on a little secret: it's much easier when you're at home. When you're with your friends, you forget a little. When you're with your family, you cry a little. But it's all made better by the fact that you're surrounded by people who love you no matter what, who will listen to you, who will back you up, and who will give you some tough love when you're being too mopey. It's a beautiful thing, and you heal, and things get better.
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| My new family |
I don't have that here. I can't just call up my best friends and say let's have a girls night and climb trees in the middle of the night. I can't call my mother and say let's go grab ice cream while you give me one of your motherly hugs. And I can't drown myself in work and applications and papers and meetings and deadlines to drown out some of the pain. I'm living abroad with a broken heart without my support group: the people I rely on most in my life, and it sucks.
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| Girls' Night Out (apparently I can still have those) |
I'm not going to lie, there have been a couple of times (flickers of thought really) when I have wanted to pack up my stuff and go home because of how hard this is. Then I remind myself how lucky I am to be given this opportunity: the ability to study abroad in North Africa, in Morocco for four/five months. I have made some amazing friends here. They have become my support group; they have become my family. I am receiving a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I'm not going to let anything stand in the way of that; not even 4,000 miles and a lonely heart.