Madison Elkins
Leibniz Universitat Hannover
Things You Will Miss that You Never Thought You’d Miss
1. Your cat. You have no idea how much you will miss your cat.
2. Publicly accessible drink machines. You never realize how blissful that sprite-on-the-go can be until you aren’t allowed to have it. In public places your eyes will always seek the fluorescent back-lit image of a sweating coke bottle that cries, “Refresh yourself!” Your ears will forever strain to hear the gentle hum of refrigeration that whispers, “Oasisss.” Let’s imagine that you have been running errands all day. You are parched. You’ve probably never been this thirsty in your life. You think maybe no one has ever been this thirsty. Your tongue is crying dry little tears of sand. So you decide to find a drink.
Let’s weigh your options.
The last is the least unfavorable, because you will (probably, at some point) go home. And if Indiana Jones can go without an ice cold bottled water for three days, you can do it too. For three hours. But wouldn’t it be nice to see just one coke machine peeping around the corner, waving hello?
3. Publicly accessible bathrooms that don’t require a $2 donation or a meal or a tearful supplication.
4. Baking soda. You will try to find it. You will be convinced that it is around here somewhere, that it is simply eluding you, that you don’t have its correct German name, that you aren’t looking in the right places. Stop blaming yourself, and repeat after me. Germans. Do not use. Arm and Hammer. They use something else entirely, and it isn’t worth scouring the city for it. (but it is worth making puns about.)
5. Krispy Kreme Donuts. You knew all along there was no alternative, you just didn’t want to face it. This is a time for moral support and listless consumer choices meant to fill that donut-shaped hole in your heart. (They won’t, but you can try.) I suggest the chocolate-covered coconut marshmallow fluffs. The pink ones. I like to call them bon bons.
6. Your car. Nothing says, “I CAN!” like a Honda Accord. Nothing says, “I CAN’T!” like public transportation workers on strike.
7. Quality canned soup. At least, canned soup that you know from years of consumer experience to be good quality. You may have a very clear internalized hierarchy of American brand names, you may speak and understand the language of logo design (nothing says crappy like comic sans), but all that amounts to jack squat when you’re operating on foreign soil. Perhaps Germany possesses the most delectable canned soups of all the world. But I wouldn’t know; they all look the same, and one looks as chintzy or as exotic as the next. It will take you 20 more years to establish another liquid lexicon. In the meantime, you must either do without, or purchase at will. Just select the one that sounds the best when you slosh it around a bit.
Leibniz Universitat Hannover
Things You Will Miss that You Never Thought You’d Miss
1. Your cat. You have no idea how much you will miss your cat.
2. Publicly accessible drink machines. You never realize how blissful that sprite-on-the-go can be until you aren’t allowed to have it. In public places your eyes will always seek the fluorescent back-lit image of a sweating coke bottle that cries, “Refresh yourself!” Your ears will forever strain to hear the gentle hum of refrigeration that whispers, “Oasisss.” Let’s imagine that you have been running errands all day. You are parched. You’ve probably never been this thirsty in your life. You think maybe no one has ever been this thirsty. Your tongue is crying dry little tears of sand. So you decide to find a drink.
Let’s weigh your options.
The last is the least unfavorable, because you will (probably, at some point) go home. And if Indiana Jones can go without an ice cold bottled water for three days, you can do it too. For three hours. But wouldn’t it be nice to see just one coke machine peeping around the corner, waving hello?
3. Publicly accessible bathrooms that don’t require a $2 donation or a meal or a tearful supplication.
4. Baking soda. You will try to find it. You will be convinced that it is around here somewhere, that it is simply eluding you, that you don’t have its correct German name, that you aren’t looking in the right places. Stop blaming yourself, and repeat after me. Germans. Do not use. Arm and Hammer. They use something else entirely, and it isn’t worth scouring the city for it. (but it is worth making puns about.)
5. Krispy Kreme Donuts. You knew all along there was no alternative, you just didn’t want to face it. This is a time for moral support and listless consumer choices meant to fill that donut-shaped hole in your heart. (They won’t, but you can try.) I suggest the chocolate-covered coconut marshmallow fluffs. The pink ones. I like to call them bon bons.
6. Your car. Nothing says, “I CAN!” like a Honda Accord. Nothing says, “I CAN’T!” like public transportation workers on strike.
7. Quality canned soup. At least, canned soup that you know from years of consumer experience to be good quality. You may have a very clear internalized hierarchy of American brand names, you may speak and understand the language of logo design (nothing says crappy like comic sans), but all that amounts to jack squat when you’re operating on foreign soil. Perhaps Germany possesses the most delectable canned soups of all the world. But I wouldn’t know; they all look the same, and one looks as chintzy or as exotic as the next. It will take you 20 more years to establish another liquid lexicon. In the meantime, you must either do without, or purchase at will. Just select the one that sounds the best when you slosh it around a bit.
